Hey everyone, sorry I'm bad at keeping up with these, it's more been a struggle for content lately, not because nothing funny is happening but mostly because more funny things have been happening and I haven't been writing any of it down. Then it is promptly pushed out of my brain by other subjects/topics. Anyways I'll try and get better at a regular schedule, but this may just be how it is for now. You show me a copy of my day planner and I'll show you a picture of my adoring girlfriend. (The joke is that neither of them exists).Today I learned from a Jim Beam Whiskey commercial that while Willem Dafoe can act and look like many different people, and I would let none of them near my children. Until recently I thought that maybe he had just aged badly but after I finally got around to watching "Platoon" a few weeks ago (what a bundle of laughs that was) I discovered that Willem Dafoe actually just looks like that. I think that maybe he was in a tragic accident where a honey badger mauled his face off as a child and the only person who would donate their face to him was his great grandmother. Or he was just born with a 90 year old woman's face. On the note of suspicions and Platoon actors I bet Charlie Sheen was never on drugs, he was just temporarily borrowing Willem Dafoe's makeup guy for all his internet videos. Anyways I rank Dafoe up there with Jim Breuer in the department of "facial tragedies".
I read up on the event of Osama Bin Laden's death through the same news medium I always use, that is by sifting through my home page on Facebook to see either jubilant or otherwise ass-pained status updates and try to build a full scenario of what happened. On the downside isn't as direct or fast as looking at CNN.com or some junk, but on the upside it makes me feel like an internet super-detective. I found several points of humor in the death of Osama, and one was that apparently he was trying to use his wife to shield himself from bullets. It seemed like something that unbelievable that would happen at the end of an episode of 24. Shameful or not, it seems like if you were about to become a martyr and enjoy the company of 40 virgins in heaven you wouldn't be clinging on to life quite so desperately, and secondly if you're making a trip up to heaven expecting that kind of company you certainly don't want your wife tagging along. I was a little bit upset to hear that we buried Bin Laden's corpse at sea. I wasn't upset because of any dissuasion towards showing courtesy to other country's religions, it's just that I saw Transformers 2 like three times in the theaters and I know that a deep sea burial didn't stop Megatron from messin up America's business at least one more time, perhaps two more times pending the contents of Transformers 3 this summer.
Also where are they finding all of the virgins for all these suicide bombers? I feel like between the general heathenism of the world and the increase of self martyrs they've got to be running low. How many attractive people are dying virgins? I hope somebody doesn't wire himself up with C4 just to get to the other side and have someone say "Sorry man, all we've got is this 27 year old basement dweller WoW fan with fat rolls on his back. He choked to death from packing his mouth too full of bagel-bites a couple hours ago."
Anyways I'm satisfied with that length, I'll see you all when I see you, bastards, etc.
~Taylor Bonzer
