Writer's Block

I've been noticing all last week that if I close my eyes and roll them backwards a little there's a black mark on the inside of my right eyelid. I think It may have been burned onto there when they made me watch the "Miracle of Childbirth" video in my 9th grade health class. I think every other guy in that class (including the teacher) was man enough, or at least smart enough to cover his damn eyes during that video. I, on the other hand had a look on my face much like the German guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark. In any case, my eyes now have status somewhere with "Holocaust Survivor."


This has nothing to do with today's blog topic. Know why? Because I couldn't think of one that I could write about in great length. Reason being I put all of my effort this last week writing a Retro Review on DragonBall, then proceeded to nitpick at it too much and bump it to this Thursday's release. Anyways I stalled a bunch on the DragonBall stuff and now am sitting at my laptop Sunday with no pre-meditated topic.

Moving on though, this reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister last night in which she was telling me it was difficult to express to people just how much of a nerd I am. She has to tell people I'm a nerd, to which they reply, "Yeah okay cool" and then she has to get that wide eyed look on her face and lower her voice an octave before saying "No... seriously."

I blame my sister's struggle on all those ass-clowns in high school who, after calling me a nerd since the 4th grade decided they were going to start calling themselves nerds. While I have no lingering anger towards any of them for the natural social classes that developed, when I think of this travesty of stolen titles I am still willing to go to war.  I'm talking about the day one of the Varsity Football Bros-in-Training said "Oh my God I played three hours of Halo straight last night, I'm such a freakin Nerd." Or the girl that said "Oh my shit Amanda you actually figured out number #15 on the Algebra homework? Haha you're such a Nerd!"

Or maybe even the day where all of them decided Tuesday or something was "Dress like a Nerd Day" and all came to school in hiked up pants, with pocket protectors, and big glasses like that geek they picked on in "Grease". Oh and naturally all the girls had to spice them up just enough to still look attractive. Imagine a bunch of white teenagers walking into a Black Panther's meeting circa 1970 dressed all in "blackface" makeup and you'll be able to get a feel for how I reacted to that. The proper words may have been "Ah hell naw."

 I need you all to try and imagine my facial expression in 10th grade sitting at my lunch table in a Black Mages concert T-Shirt with a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, my friend sporting a "Cowboy Bebop" lunchbox, and the rest of the uninterested mass at my table passing around Naruto Manga and Picto-Chatting on their DSs. It's pretty much the coolest cats in school if you hadn't put that together already. And all the while the social elite are at the next table saying:

A) It is now cool to be a Nerd
B) But you don't count
C) Oh and by the way we're going to do it all wrong.

It was the third point that got me. I really didn't care to be included with their stuff that much but I wanted to pick up the next top scoring basket ball player who bragged about his Warthog kill in Halo by the neck, shake him, and say:

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GODDAMN AP I GET WHEN I KILL A "MOVER" IN FINAL FANTASY VII?? 800 DAMN AP A PIECE, 2400 IF I HAVE THE RIGHT SWORD EQUIPPED. IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!"

And then men in white coats grab me with a giant butterfly net and carry me away while I shout "I'm a level 60 Paladin! I don't deserve this!". It still happens today, with girls saying "Oh you're a nerd? Well I love Big Bang Theory so I know what Nerds are." No ladies, Nerds do not dress like metro-sexuals and talk about their Commodore 64 in a not-quite gay accent (although we do actually obsess constantly over the cancellation of Firefly, they hit that nail on the head). We are a deeply misunderstood people. And all of you Call-of-Duty-Playing "Boy-Who-Cried-Nerds" better relax so that women can be properly weirded out when my sister describes me as a nerd. Geez.

Hey that topic actually went places! Good job team, same time next week!

Oh and you're all a bunch of bastards.

~Taylor Bonzer