Blog #2: Actually a Blog.

Well here comes blog #2, It's 8:00 in the morning and I was woken up at 6:30 by a call from Labor Ready asking if I wanted to drive a bunch of mooks to an Air Force base to haul and assemble heavy-ass furniture. Yes, Labor Ready is that organization which provides manual labor for crack addicts and other people who are seemingly unemployable. Actually normally I would have taken the job but I have an interview today for an actual job, but I do have to share the highlights of the enchanting experience which was my last outing with the labor ready crew. Besides, I can't get back to sleep because of my 13-year-old dog that likes to snore.

1. My "Crew" of lovable buffoons included a 19 year old with two children, a 58 year old free-mason, and a man who went simply by "Six-Toes" (age unknown). What happened to the other four toes is total guess-work.

2. We started out by doing nothing for about 2 hours, which was okay in my book, however 58 year old freemason, let's just call him "Pappy" decided to get into the subject with another of the workers of eating "Porcupine Stew" while working in Alaska (and no this isn't a euphamism). Now call me an ignorant city boy but I was not able to stand by this conversation for too long without saying "Why the hell are you cooking goddamn porcupines." Pappy insisted that it was okay, because porcupine tastes just like rabbit, to which I replied "Then why don't you just kill a freakin rabbit, that is at least somewhat socially acceptable."

When he got down to it, it was apparently because porcupines are in fact very easy to outsmart as opposed to the cunning geniuses that rabbits are. Supposedly they (the porcupines) would just come and chew on the side of his house, then he would shoot them. It is my honest opinion that if you can't outsmart a rabbit you shouldn't be roughing it in the wilderness.

3. Eventually the big truck showed up with our crap-to-move, which was bed posts coupled with 250 lb iron bunk bed matress holders that had storage space underneath the mattress, it was made painfully obvious that none of my crew was physically capable of lifting things. Six-Toes was good for a couple trips in before he decided he would divert his attention to telling the forklift guy what to do. Pappy tried, bless his old bastard of a soul, but I didn't want to risk losing anyone on my crew so I let him hang around and tell me how me and 19 year old dude how we should move each of the 120 frames inside. And of course the mattresses were assembled horizontally on the ground, so once we were done we had to lift the now (literally) 500 lb bunk beds off the ground. It was easy once my arms got numb. Oh and the guy in charge didn't inform me until afterwards that he actually wanted four people lifting those beds upright.

4. The highlight of the day was on lunch break when Pappy sat in the back of my station wagon, and Six-Toes got into the passenger seat in front of him with his hood up. Pappy then proceeded to say "What's with that Mexican or Hispanic jackass? (referring to Six-Toes if you didn't catch on) That guy is useless as tits on a bull!" I replied by awkwardly staring from one party to the other for the rest of what seemed to be my life.

So anyways, I regret to say that's what I'm missing out on today, instead I'm traveling south to my hometown to see if I can procure the same job I worked when I was 16 years old, at a zoo. Go ahead an make all your jokes about which exhibit I was occupying.

You're all a bunch of bastards!

~Taylor Bonzer